Today I woke up at *7am in the morning. It has never happened before, I’m so happy!! I think I have a shot at happiness this year. I think slowly I might be warming up to the idea of falling in love again. I think its overrated stuff but I can’t deny that I want to experience it, so much,I’d give anything to just have that glow, that secret smile..and I think I’m older now, I know that its actually serious stuff…and I’m open to it. To that happiness..I can’t believe I woke up at *7am to write this
If you ever get to read this, you know yourself, I want you to know that I will admit here that you make my heart skip a beat, and I believe in you and me, so much that I will never say Fuck Love again in my life, ever. And for once in a long time, I will listen to Love Songs and think of
theme song: Me and You – The Turtles 🙂
Fuck, now I’m getting cheesy…not good!
*(not that I’m a lazy bum but I have to get to work around 10 – so its really early)
This is my #februarywish 🙂
I’m sitting in bed, its around 1pm, i had a late night yesterday, not partying, working. \
Sometimes I get so frustrated because I feel like when I leave Italy, I will go back the same person I was. I don’t want that…at all. Like i will feel like I wasted 6months here just increasing my waistline with the pasta, the wine and the pizza…It was supposed to be a journey, like Liz from Eat Pray Love…I sincerely wish that I’d watched that movie before I came. Instead I watched When in Rome and Letters to Juliet, because, let me admit it I was in Love with the Idea of LOVE….throwing a coin over your shoulder in the Fontana di Trevi (which i did 2 weeks ago BTW) and falling in love :p Fuck Love.
And my inner confusion, with myself….I am in a constant tug of war with myself nowadays, I want to join the lifestyle because I think that is what I need at this moment in time. Somebody who is just like me, somebody who understands my feelings, reading Autostraddle helps, but somehow at the back of my mind, I feel like this isn’t me. And that’s what stops me from telling the object of my affection that I’m falling in Like…not Love (It doesn’t exist in my dictionary)because I don’t want them to feel like my science experiment..and that is what I feel it will be in the end…
I can’t wait to live in New York, where nobody gives a fuck about you, and you can just exist without people looking at you like you have a problem. I can already see myself in my Burberry Coat and Louboutins in Times Square eating a bagel….that is my dream destination before I’m 30.
And right now I can say that I don’t really care much anymore….stop sending me shopping lists and you people don’t even check up on me….yes..this is to my DEAR DEAR friends….fuck that by the way…i think it sucks!! We are all busy but we have to make time for each other…I’m not asking you to come visit me…I guess this is what they mean when they see people come and go!! Peace out
I feel so bleugh! like bad, I really feel depressed. First because a friend of mine died last week. She was my age, I remember when I met her, she was about to sit her exams, and I had just finished mine. She said that she had hope, and she liked chemistry. You have to respect people who like chemistry. That is shit I will never ever like.
So I am sad because I knew her a short while, and they say everything that happens is for a reason. Yeah, I guess her mum will never know why she had to go before her. This today is for her. I hope that one day Michelle, people will understand why you had to cross Waiyaki way that day, and that truck had to pass with you. You had all this amazing dreams, you had your university to go through, you had the wedding of your dreams in your head, you knew how your Mr. Right would look. The same dreams that every normal girl growing up has. I am afraid now, to dream, I don’t like to get disappointed…M sure wherever you are you are also asking why. We all are.. 😥
MotoMoto…I will never watch Madagascar without remembering you. You lived your life to the point that was necessary. Someone told me that people die because God takes the good people out of this world so he can protect them from bad things beyond their measure. .. . i’m crying right now because I feel like Life is so random!! And its not like stuff like this gives you a warning.
To your parents, I hope that one day they will understand, they will hold on to the memory of their little girl. And Love you forever. To your brother, he will remember his big sister as someone who always had his back, who loved him so much…to her friends, we are young we don’t know what to feel right now, because everyone is telling us that its normal, it happens. I hope that one day you understand. That I understand, that death is natural and it will happen to everyone. Hold onto her memory, she wouldn’t want us to cry so much about her, but just make sure that you realise that you appreciate those around you. She is watching over us.
Rest In Peace Love.
BUON ANNO!! Happy New Year in Italian.
I have to say that this was my best new years yet…! Hanging out with people from Greece…ok I stand to be corrected, but Greek guys are so much hotter than Italian guys!! And with *Calimocho from Spain, and Spumante to Pop for the new years….but sadly nobody to lock lips with like I expected….anywho…I can’t even get sad about that…it was awesome…from being kicked out from a club cuz we sneaked Calimocho in….and these drunk italians who insisted to take pix of us…I loved every minute of it. And there was this drunk Irish Dj who looked like John Lennon, the girls had a picture of him just because they thought that he’d risen up from the dead…hahaha 😀
But today, I just felt I should write because I need to, and I feel like 2011 is going to be one of those random ones….not a shit like 2010. Random in a nice way. I can’t wait to go back home. I want to see who is left, I want to see what I can do with myself, I want to show myself what I learned from this 6months here. But I’m happy that I get to learn about people with this experience. . .
Normally I write resolutions based on my expectations….but I’m thinking should just not limit myself too much. I was a bit stressed when I sat down to write them because I don’t where I’ll be in 8months….so I think I will take a day at a time. If i wake up at 2 in the morning and I want donuts, I will wake up and go get them, I won’t start the argument about carbs and all that shit…i will just fucking do it. I will not plan about what I will be doing in 8months…I will live out the present instead..because I also realised as long as I sit and plan about what I will do when I go back home, I don’t concentrate on what I should be doing now.
I thank God that I am alive right now, that I am here, and that i lived through all the things that I thought would kill me. I want to improve on our relationship..thats my paramount resolution. Fuck everything else!!
*The broken arrow will be mended*
*Calimocho – A mixture of red wine and Coke from Spain*