Monthly Archives: February 2011

Human Beings…

I just want to say fuck all of you, let me live with the animals, but I won’t because, some of you are actually good people. Atleast they don’t make you believe in them, make you trust them and then bitch about you.

I feel very bad right now. Like my face is all hot, and my tears are like about to fall….and I have to stop it because I am here all alone, I want my mummy, she knows how to make me feel all better…

I don’t want to believe that I never had anyone, but I guess, we live and we learn. And that’s my problem…to me everyone is awesome, everyone means well…I guess all it took was this, to be my wake up call. Its never that serious…I can’t wait to go home.

How do people live with themselves?? I have no problem in bitching about people you don’t know, but it isn’t right bitching about people who you KNOW, and who you make to BELIEVE that they can TRUST you. I hope that when it’s time to say goodbye, I won’t spit in your face.

That’s all I have to say today.
And yes, the alcohol will come in handy tonight, I just want to be alone…I shouldn’t have been taught this life lesson on a Saturday night…Its SATURDAY NIGHT for christ sakes…fuck.

I’m trying so hard to stay in this happy place…the universe is conspiring against me.

21days.

x

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Marilyn Monroe wasn’t a bimbo…..

I just need to get this out. Not all the beautiful girls in this world are stupid. Like really. We aren’t [see how I infuse myself in to this ;)] Anyway, everyone assumes that If you’re hot, you don’t have to work that hard, someone will come along and marry you and buy you diamonds or whatever, but it’s not always like that. I’m sure there are beautiful people that LIVE by that notion. There are times when I’ve just met someone and we start talking or whatever and a few days later and they’re like, wow, there’s actually more to you than a pretty face. How do you think that makes me feel?? Go figure. Anyway, just so you know, I’m big on independence. I want my own sh!t. I never want to rely on anyone to provide for me.

Anyway, my point is, that it isn’t fair to judge someone by just that one look. I do that a lot too, I guess its human nature. But I stopped. Starting today.

On to Marilyn Monroe – Bimbo! Like really, that’s the only way we know her. This gorgeous woman with the black beauty spot above her mouth, sexy fuck-me-now eyes, and that white dress in my head right now, the halter one. She’s hot. Period..but even though she killed herself, I think she was a smart person – It isn’t smart committing suicide but oh well, maybe the thought of getting old and not being beautiful anymore scared her, I won’t go and search for the reason why she killed herself on Google, or watch E! True Hollywood story, really, I don’t care. In the end, we all remember her as this SEXY woman who lived a long time ago,and she would have been my grandma’s age right now. But she wasn’t just a pretty face, smoking hot body, and as we are made to believe, zero brains. She gave some ‘insight’ on life as we know it.

Marilyn Monroe fucking inspired this post today. Some of the stuff she said that I thought to share with you today:

“I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”

“Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it’s better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.”

“A wise girl kisses but doesn’t love, listens but doesn’t believe, and leaves before she is left.”

“It’s better to be unhappy alone than unhappy with someone.”

“Ever notice how ‘What the hell’ is always the right answer?” (All this years later, I still hear ‘what the hell’ being used..)

“We should all start to live before we get too old. Fear is stupid. So are regrets.”

“You never know what life is like, until you have lived it.

“This life is what you make it. Not matter what, you’re going to mess up sometimes, it’s a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you’re going to mess it up. Girls will be your friends – they’ll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, somg go. The ones that stay with you through everything – they’re your true best friends. Don’t let go of them. Also remember, sisters make the best friends in the world. As for lovers, well, they’ll come and go too. And babe, I hate to say it, most of them – actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can’t give up because if you give up, you’ll never find your soul mate. You’ll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. Just because you fail once, doesn’t mean you’re gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don’t, then who will, sweetie? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life’s a beautiful thing and there’s so much to smile about.

Everyone has different opinions about people. I think she was misunderstood. That is all I have to say. She was actually deep somehow.

Have a good weekend everyone, be safe…in all aspects. 22days to go home and tonight I miss the CD Launch of Sauti Sol…Ya’ll who will be there, represent. I wish I was there, but I have to work tonight too. I hear its an orchestra today…Yay 🙂

xx

 


The 3Ls

I woke up in the morning with an allergic reaction and I took some medicine that made me sleep the whole day, meaning I had to skip work. I didn’t do anything with myself, no work, no english lesson – the student I was meant to meet went to the spa today and she sent me a text that she will go tomorrow and Friday too. I wish we could trade places.

I can’t wait to go home, the days are so few already. But something interesting happened today, I talked to my babe, technically we haven’t made it official or anything and I wish I could go stand outside on my rooftop terrace and shout till they hear me. I like that we’re taking things slow, and that we were friends before anything, and we understand each other. Nobody, knows what I really feel inside, when I’m hurting, when I’m happy – but I can talk about this things with this person.

And very few people know about us, its better to keep it that way because I’m superstitious like that. I don’t want people to jinx the relationship even before it ‘starts’. But I’m in a happy place. I won’t stop saying that. And its because of this new addition in my life. . . Today we were talking and this is what I said:

Life is so unpredictable and short, I can’t make myself suffer…Drake sums up everything I’m tryna say here: Everybody dies but not everybody lives…I don’t want to just exist, I want to live.

And I swear I’ve never felt so alive…doing things that you want to do, being with people that you want to be with, saying things that you want to say…why shouldn’t life be that simple?? It can be.

Live

Laugh

Love.
Life is too fucking short…#truestory

xx


THE ONLY MAN IN MY LIFE :*

Today was my daddy’s birthday. I wish I was home you know…to celebrate the half a century he has been on planet earth. I had a cupcake though, to celebrate in my absentiure absence 🙂 Happy Birthday dad, I’m sure it was a normal day for you, I’m sure you even forgot!! I hope it wasn’t just any other Tuesday.

Today I will dedicate this post to my Daddy, for the lessons that he’s taught me, and why I continue to believe that every decision he makes is for the good of his family – he only wants the best for us. He is one of the most amazing people I know. I hope that as each day passes we continue to make you proud, I’ll never tell you this face to face bit I am proud of you!! Proud to be your product(hahaha, the joke is on me!).

Happy Birthday daddy….I wish you many many many many many more. I continue to learn from you everyday.

Love Always

xx

ps: 25days


26days

I have less than a month left…The anticipation for going home is on a whole new level now because of many reasons as you can imagine. Only right now at the moment, I can’t think of even one. In other news, I had an interesting conversation last night, I know life’s challenges aren’t meant to be faced alone now…hahaha

Ok, pardon me for digressing.. (I used the BIG word again) Like seriously, I have less than a month left in Italy and I have this anticipation yes, but I don’t know what exactly, I am happy to leave and sad at the same time. I met a few amazing people who inspite of all this emo-ness I sometimes have going on, they actually see the good parts and they like me, so I’m really sad that I have to leave, Its sad too when I look at them and they don’t want to think that our time together is over. I’m used to this life now, but I think my time here is done..you know how the wise people say that there is a time for everything, well I think that my time here is done. And I’m happy that I met this amazing people,  and the times we had together. But its time to pack my suitcases and go home and figure out the next step…I’m so happy!!!!!

I hope its not the end though, like how you promise to talk to the BFFs you have in high school and its 2years later and you’ve only met once after promising that you will have weekly meetings and talk everyday..those are the same mistakes I don’t want to repeat now…I hate disappointments.  So I will be casual about the goodbyes, I have to be, but my tears always have this way of showing up no matter how awesome or shitty the situation is…so i know I will cry…that aspect of me hasn’t changed.

 

But I’m in a happy place 🙂

ps: I  miss You babe…I’m coming home!! :)*

 


:|

Its raining so hard, I overslept, not that I was late or anything but still, you know…There’s just something about walking in rain in the morning to work that just spoils your mood for the whole day. Things that don’t make this day any better…

  1. A disturbing email from my mum
  2. The ‘frenchie’
  3. My umbrella that decided to just misbehave in the middle of me crossing the road!
  4. How I slept through Valentines Day, because it hit me hard that I’m still alone as I ever was
  5. Thinking about my small sister, and her first day in Boarding school
  6. Mixed feelings about finally coming home
  7. I’m Broke
  8. I need to get out of the heated office into the cold city IN THE RAIN so that I can hand out flyers that people look at once and throw away, all in the name of 35hours a week!!

Dear Rain,

I love you so much most of the time, but today you are ruining everything. Go away, come again another day.


A different Monday :)

Monday!! Very few can say something positive about Mondays…I’ve never liked them since I was  kid, because it meant having to sleep very early on Sunday to wake up early for school!! And put on that uniform.. I can’t believe I had uniform for 12years of my life!! Wowzers, I’m so OLD!!

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Today, as always, I write about nothing in particular, last night I worked till around 8pm, Thank God and I was so happy because since Thursday, I’ve been having 4hours of sleep because of 1. Work and 2. Staying up thinking about a) My Life in general b) Chilling and Drinking with my friends

So yesterday I actually got the chance to put 9hours in, and that resulted in me having a happy morning..A HAPPY MONDAY MORNING at that!!

Last night I was going through a blog about this Kenyan chick I know, who swears she’s homophobic but she reads this gay guys blog, and she really likes it, she even recommends it to her readers…ironical much?? she went on and on about how she hates this and that, and to say the truth I read all her posts, like 1st I was jealous because I’ve never used the word digress in my life and I feel so stupid..So i promise to learn a BIG word everyday and try to use it the next day..but besides the point, I know this girl, we aren’t friends or acquaintances we know each other by virtue of the fact that my friend and her friend used to date each other…but that’s about it. You know how when you see someone and you think that they are perfect…the Marilyn piercing that I’m too chicken to get, the nice boobs that EVERYONE both CHICKS and guys can’t help but drool at…compared to me, yes, I think I’m pretty and everything but of course I lack in A LOT of places….so reading her blog yesterday, this girl that I thought had everything that I didn’t, made me  smile because just like every girl in this world she has the same insecurities that I have, the same thoughts about sexuality, Spirituality, ex boyfriends, Justin Bieber (Who looks like a girl with the whole lesbian vibes going on), hating other girls just because, and silly stuff that doesn’t make sense….and I felt normal…I didn’t feel like I stand out a lot anymore. I always thought I did, but I don’t.

So I’m going to thank this GIRL for making me feel normal, because really I am, even though I’m attracted to all the wrong things…but I guess they call it growth…we live, and we learn.

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Today someone posted this link on twitter of a video on Youtube, a South African group called Liquideep..very GOOD…I was going to write on twitter how I think Kenyan artistes need to step up from the bullshit that they think is MUSIC and smell the coffee!! Then I didn’t because I have some followers on twitter who are the said Kenyan artistes and I didn’t want drama!! So since this is my blog, I will write whatever I want. I am seriously tired of Kenyan music, I can’t stand it. I like Sauti Sol and Just a Band, and Maddtraxx…the rest can go suck tit!! We are tired of you singing about drinking, partying, who has more money than who…And I’m so embarassed when I’m chilling with my friends and they ask to hear music from home (not the Masaai guys jumping jumping till sijui which planet ) and I’m so embarassed….So I have two CDs with me that I always just put on rewind, because thats the only music I’m proud of….ok I know someone somewhere is telling me that there is Valerie Kimani and Eric Wainaina, I know…!! I know that they are there, but really these people and their tuscandals that are just publicity stunts, I can’t stand…So in short everyone else is moving but us…one of my closest friends is a musician, a rapper of sorts….I’ve listened to his stuff, and I’m so proud that he can work that sh!t, but in essence, I know there are many like him, who maybe use blogs to promote their music…because maybe they are scared to get into the mainstream Kenyan market.  I am aware there is demand for these party songs that everyone wants to bob their head to and there is the pressure to produce those type of songs..But i’m sure i’m not the only one out here, who wants to listen to good music, with good beats, with a message…I think its time Africa stopped being associated with AIDS, slums, wild animals and Maasais….If we made good music, I’m sure we would be on the map, and Kenyans like me in the diaspora would be proud to invite bands to come perform in their cities….I can say I have the means to organise a concert right now, but nobody comes to mind right now. Every Friday I have a concert here, and there’s different local bands that come out to play…real talent, I’m shocked that they haven’t gotten signed to big recording powerhouses. I feel so nice watching them perform, and then I think of home and I’m so embarassed…I really can’t see why Kenyan artists would be proud and say they have FIKAD…its really NOTHING…get over yourselves!! ION I really love House Music. <<hint hint Kenyan artistes!!

the broken arrow will be mended….xx

If anyone wants to recommend some good African House music, get at me…please, I’m on a high!!

My song of the week!! >>Liquideep – Alone<<   SouthAfrican artistes have FIKAD 🙂

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