Today is a Tuesday afternoon. I’m watching CNN with my grandmother and they are talking about war going on in Congo…As in as far as my memory goes, they have been fighting always. It’s so sad that somewhere in the world that’s the only life people know. You are born into a family and there is war, you become of age, and you are recruited into the army and you continue to fight this war. And here I am complaining how difficult my life is. Nairobi is relatively peaceful. Yesterday though, there was an explosion in downtown Nairobi and it left a lot of people shaken up. I hope the Alshabaab group from Somali leaves us Kenyans alone!!
Anyway, I decided today, I’m going to stop fretting about that MAN I have been going on in my last few posts. He made me happy, he took me from that sad place, but now it feels like i’ve reached my end point of taking bullshit from someone. I only take so much. Maybe stuff about me changed, maybe we aren’t compatible anymore. I don’t know. It hurts, but when me and M broke up, I was crushed, I have a whole semester to account for. I don’t want to have other aspects of my life suffering. I think I’m still not ready to have somebody in my life. I still need to accept things about myself, I need to be self confident and to stop second guessing myself so much. When that happens, then I am ready to let someone into my life. To know someone, and to deal with all their flaws and faults…take it all in, and at the end of the day still want to be with them. I blame myself for everything that goes on. I’m going to miss him but it’s time for me to take charge of my life. Life is so short, I’m letting a lot of good things go because am concentrating so much on this undefined relationship.
My best friend and I are planning a trip. To the South Coast of Kenya. I need to save up for that after I buy my blackberry. This trip we will take is going to be full of bonding and fun and relaxing. There will be no electronics and we will leave our cell phones and laptops in the City. Only cameras to capture the moments. I feel like I need it. To get away from all this bull I have going on in my life right now…those trips really do it for me. I remember when I went to my grandparents farm last December, when I came back I had a different perspective in life.
Its all about perspective. Get yours in check.