Compartmentalizing

This is my new talent.

The Merriam – Webster dictionary defines this it as dividing into categories or sections.

The last two weeks have been the longest in my life. Like I’ve been struggling to get through each day. School started, there are too many wrong things with that particular set up. There is a friend, there is me, there is the MAN I told you about. There was a lot of drama that resulted in me losing both the friend and the MAN…the friend is still lost to me….the MAN is in my life, but out of my reach.

I have this BIG problem with my ego, very big. I don’t let people get away with hurting me just like that. I feel like the many times that I’ve let people get away with wrong things, I’ve gotten hurt so much. I give my happiness to people to keep for me.
I really like this guy, a lot. I know I’m not ready for a relationship just yet, he isn’t either. Of course, as usual, am the one who feels like I’m giving 120% and he is giving 40% and he feels the same way, he’s giving 120% and I’m giving 40%. Our arguments are so intense, and we aren’t even dating, as in we don’t even agree to disagree. I’m just allergic to that type of bullshit…I want the honeymoon period to last forever. I hate fighting. I hate being sad because of a man. It eats at me, and affects all aspects of my life. It’s like he doesn’t get what I’m about anymore. And I want to leave, only if I’ve tried to fix things and I have failed.

I feel completely overwhelmed, I’m overwhelming my brain and I have so many books I have to read…I feel like it’s all that’s clouding my mind.

I need release.

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About shashaixx


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