Category Archives: Tributes

+My Emancipation Journey+

I’ve started on a new page.

God is in control of my life. I let Him go 2years ago, and I have been very sad ever since. I have acknowledged the big role he has played in my life.

I almost had a fatal accident two weeks ago. I literally saw the hand of God. I have been suicidal, and just when I’m about to give up, something miraculous just happens. I appreciate the prayers my parents and even my grandparents have been saying for me. Part of this journey too, is because I had really really hit rock bottom.

Then I literally experienced the ‘a door closes another, another one opens’ cliche. I was talking to a friend of mine in school who recently gave his life to Jesus and it’s those really unexpected people. I was shocked when he started the topic and then proceeded to share a book with me about to hell. I have established, I don’t want to go to HELL. It’s a bad place, a scary place, that wasn’t made for humans.

This past few days I’ve been praying, for myself my family and my friends. My only problem thus far is forgiving. The day i totally forgive the man that was in my life, I’ll believe how strong I am. I pray about it all the time. That’s the only way I’ll stop hating him for lying to me constantly, for cheating on me, for treating me like I was nothing. For saying horrible things about me to our friends. There are so many things, and it’s hard to forgive because I wake up each morning and it feels like I have to pick up from where I stopped the day before, trying to fix my tarnished reputation.

The day I wake up and everything feels fixed, I guess, is the day I’ll know I’ve forgiven him completely. I know that’s what God wants of me. My friend challenged me today, “If God can forgive the gravest of sins, why can’t you?”

I want to embrace this journey with God. Today a prophet gave a message for me from God.
That I like giving, and because of this, God will use me to do his work

That I am humble

He will give me concentration in my school work especially now when I’m juggling school & 2jobs.

That I shouldn’t stop someone when they are speaking

I have a big heart.

God has a plan for me. I’m starting on a clean slate. I guess I have to forgive the man that was in my life. My hesitation is costing me time, and hindering God’s work in me. I really have to change my lifestyle too accommodate His teachings.

The journey isn’t easy but I’m going to take the Lord’s hand and let him guide me.

I thank him for this EMANCIPATION

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.Homestretch.

I really need to post something today because I just need to, its been long, that’s all. I won’t give a smart answer.

This past weekend had me all over the place having those last moments with the people that mattered the most to me while I was here. And they all insisted that I cook something from home for them…I made Pilau and Chapati…I should have done something simpler you think….well, I don’t like Ugali that much so that one was out. I decided though to just risk it whether my efforts backfire or not, whether my rice ends up looking like ugali and my chapatis become pancakes…I was content with the fact that they don’t really know how they both taste so I was safe, and also the fact that this was a way of thanking them for the hospitality….I wanted to share with them a part of where I come from.

It was a bit sad really. Surprisingly that story has a happy ending, the food and everything…no tears! 🙂

Next week I will write down the lessons that I have learnt. Today I’m a bit sad. I had the last day at the office. I never thought that I would get attached let alone emotional about it….but I haven’t handed in the key yet. I think the most painful moment will be when I’m handing Max the key to the apartment…I’m sure I’ll weep even.

Today I have been listening to 3songs on rewind…*Mbiguni, Malikia* and Coming Home all by Sauti Sol off their Sol Filosofia Album.

Mbiguni I must say just touches the innermost parts of me….I don’t know if it’s a love song, but to me not really. Its just this song, when I listen to the words, I just want to cry. I relate to this song on all levels. I wish I heard this song like 6-8 months ago, a lot would have been different. Basically with this song, they are talking about heaven, this girl who is tired of her life, she looks to heaven, she wants to reach heaven – you can interpret this literally or figuratively.

I don’t know what made me think that coming to Italy would solve the problems that I had, it just put them on hold. I go back in a few days and face them. But the best part is I know what to do. I’m not blank, I have grown.

I’m a lucky girl. I’m grateful to God for my family, my friends, my good health, and for this far that he’s brought me. Unfortunately, I’ll say the truth that this past few months I think I can say I have talked to God for a total of 10hours, something that I’m not proud of at all….and somehow all my shitty situations worked out, and I always thought I will sort my shit out alone…but I’ve been thinking about it this past few days, and I can say that its been him…all the way it was only Him.

*Mbiguni – Heaven in Swahili

*Malikia – Queen in Swahili

And I meet my mum in a few days. I’m going to Finland, my friend sent me an email and told me its -15degrees…the fuck?? I almost cancelled my flight. But I’ve  really missed my mum. I am so excited to see her!! I wonder if she’ll  recognise me, LOL, I kid. I know she will….that is making me smile so hard right now. I hope to take many pics, and I get to be in Prague too!!!…That’s my dream destination….its so fucking beautiful!! I have a stop over there for a few hours so I will take full advantage. I’m very excited.

A random pic for you all…I love Oxfords…!!

Kisses Everyone…Remember Live, Love, Laugh….there’s so much beauty in everything.

xxx


Marilyn Monroe wasn’t a bimbo…..

I just need to get this out. Not all the beautiful girls in this world are stupid. Like really. We aren’t [see how I infuse myself in to this ;)] Anyway, everyone assumes that If you’re hot, you don’t have to work that hard, someone will come along and marry you and buy you diamonds or whatever, but it’s not always like that. I’m sure there are beautiful people that LIVE by that notion. There are times when I’ve just met someone and we start talking or whatever and a few days later and they’re like, wow, there’s actually more to you than a pretty face. How do you think that makes me feel?? Go figure. Anyway, just so you know, I’m big on independence. I want my own sh!t. I never want to rely on anyone to provide for me.

Anyway, my point is, that it isn’t fair to judge someone by just that one look. I do that a lot too, I guess its human nature. But I stopped. Starting today.

On to Marilyn Monroe – Bimbo! Like really, that’s the only way we know her. This gorgeous woman with the black beauty spot above her mouth, sexy fuck-me-now eyes, and that white dress in my head right now, the halter one. She’s hot. Period..but even though she killed herself, I think she was a smart person – It isn’t smart committing suicide but oh well, maybe the thought of getting old and not being beautiful anymore scared her, I won’t go and search for the reason why she killed herself on Google, or watch E! True Hollywood story, really, I don’t care. In the end, we all remember her as this SEXY woman who lived a long time ago,and she would have been my grandma’s age right now. But she wasn’t just a pretty face, smoking hot body, and as we are made to believe, zero brains. She gave some ‘insight’ on life as we know it.

Marilyn Monroe fucking inspired this post today. Some of the stuff she said that I thought to share with you today:

“I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”

“Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it’s better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.”

“A wise girl kisses but doesn’t love, listens but doesn’t believe, and leaves before she is left.”

“It’s better to be unhappy alone than unhappy with someone.”

“Ever notice how ‘What the hell’ is always the right answer?” (All this years later, I still hear ‘what the hell’ being used..)

“We should all start to live before we get too old. Fear is stupid. So are regrets.”

“You never know what life is like, until you have lived it.

“This life is what you make it. Not matter what, you’re going to mess up sometimes, it’s a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you’re going to mess it up. Girls will be your friends – they’ll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, somg go. The ones that stay with you through everything – they’re your true best friends. Don’t let go of them. Also remember, sisters make the best friends in the world. As for lovers, well, they’ll come and go too. And babe, I hate to say it, most of them – actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can’t give up because if you give up, you’ll never find your soul mate. You’ll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. Just because you fail once, doesn’t mean you’re gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don’t, then who will, sweetie? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life’s a beautiful thing and there’s so much to smile about.

Everyone has different opinions about people. I think she was misunderstood. That is all I have to say. She was actually deep somehow.

Have a good weekend everyone, be safe…in all aspects. 22days to go home and tonight I miss the CD Launch of Sauti Sol…Ya’ll who will be there, represent. I wish I was there, but I have to work tonight too. I hear its an orchestra today…Yay 🙂

xx

 


26days

I have less than a month left…The anticipation for going home is on a whole new level now because of many reasons as you can imagine. Only right now at the moment, I can’t think of even one. In other news, I had an interesting conversation last night, I know life’s challenges aren’t meant to be faced alone now…hahaha

Ok, pardon me for digressing.. (I used the BIG word again) Like seriously, I have less than a month left in Italy and I have this anticipation yes, but I don’t know what exactly, I am happy to leave and sad at the same time. I met a few amazing people who inspite of all this emo-ness I sometimes have going on, they actually see the good parts and they like me, so I’m really sad that I have to leave, Its sad too when I look at them and they don’t want to think that our time together is over. I’m used to this life now, but I think my time here is done..you know how the wise people say that there is a time for everything, well I think that my time here is done. And I’m happy that I met this amazing people,  and the times we had together. But its time to pack my suitcases and go home and figure out the next step…I’m so happy!!!!!

I hope its not the end though, like how you promise to talk to the BFFs you have in high school and its 2years later and you’ve only met once after promising that you will have weekly meetings and talk everyday..those are the same mistakes I don’t want to repeat now…I hate disappointments.  So I will be casual about the goodbyes, I have to be, but my tears always have this way of showing up no matter how awesome or shitty the situation is…so i know I will cry…that aspect of me hasn’t changed.

 

But I’m in a happy place 🙂

ps: I  miss You babe…I’m coming home!! :)*

 


*Michelle Moto Moto Gulavic*

I feel so bleugh! like bad, I really feel depressed. First because a friend of mine died last week. She was my age, I remember when I met her, she was about to sit her exams, and I had just finished mine. She said that she had hope, and she liked chemistry. You have to respect people who like chemistry. That is shit I will never ever like.

So I am sad because I knew her a short while, and they say everything that happens is for a reason. Yeah, I guess her mum will never know why she had to go before her. This today is for her. I hope that one day Michelle, people will understand why you had to cross Waiyaki way that day, and that truck had to pass with you. You had all this amazing dreams, you had your university to go through, you had the wedding of your dreams in your head, you knew how your Mr. Right would look. The same dreams that every normal girl growing up has. I am afraid now, to dream, I don’t like to get disappointed…M sure wherever you are you are also asking why. We all are.. 😥

MotoMoto…I will never watch Madagascar without remembering you. You lived your life to the point that was necessary. Someone told me that people die because God takes the good people out of this world so he can protect them from bad things beyond their measure. .. . i’m crying right now because I feel like Life is so random!! And its not like stuff like this gives you a warning.

To your parents, I hope that one day they will understand, they will hold on to the memory of their little girl. And Love you forever. To your brother, he will remember his big sister as someone who always had his back, who loved him so much…to her friends, we are young we don’t know what to feel right now, because everyone is telling us that its normal, it happens. I hope that one day you understand. That I understand, that death is natural and it will happen to everyone. Hold onto her memory, she wouldn’t want us to cry so much about her, but just make sure that you realise that you appreciate those around you. She is watching over us.

Rest In Peace Love.