Tag Archives: Expectations

2011 can end now, thanks

December is finally here.

I think this year was just.

I don’t even know.

It gave me shit, I gave it attitude, I found love, I lost it.

There were far too many disappointments though, too many. I was so happy with the way the year started, everything was filled with happiness, everything was just radiating positivity.  I am sure things stopped being filled with images of pink unicorns and rainbows at some point around July, when I lost that one person that I loved (finally) to something that until this day, I cannot say what. I don’t know why God made me that I have to have someone in my life so that I can feel like my life is complete and that happiness can only be achieved when you have somebody in your life who feels the same way as you do. But i can say, that I regret. I regret my Illicit love, that’s what’s fucked up the rest of my year for me. And I did nothing wrong. Just wish I could go back to the beginning of the year and just rethink. I was too into this free spirit bullshit, I dint sit down and think about what would happen if this relationship took a turn for the worst.I never thought that far. Who does anyway? Who wants to think of impending doom when all you want to do is enjoy every moment that you have with the person that you love?

I’m thinking next year, that HAS TO change completely. I said to myself that this was going to be my last relationship, I have dated enough for my mere 20 years. I have been with people from all walks of life, that I’m sure. No more relationship bullshit for me next year. zero. And i’ll survive I know. I’m the one that complicated my life. A friend was telling me that everythig that i touch, I complicate. That’s very true. Another thing I’m doing is cutting out those stress factors in my life.

And i need to save. And i need to stop drinking to numb myself, that’s destructive behavior. I started doing that in August. And smoking too; though the smoking began way before….it’s reduced though 🙂 I’m happy with the progress av made thus far.

My Playlist right now:

Nneka – Heartbeat

Bruno Mars – It will rain

Florence and the machine – What the water gave me

Avicii- Levels

Ingrid Michaelson – Sort of

Bill Withers – Lovely Day

Dela – Adamu na Hawa

 

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. . .Am i Expecting too much. . .

When your lover is way older than you and you’re barely out of teenagehood, you begin to think you have a problem.
You begin to want more than he can give, you want to find reasons why you shouldn’t be together, and its more or less a tug of war between the two of you, because you are seeing all the stuff that’s wrong with you guys and he is seeing how perfect his life is becoming.

She wished that was a problem between her and Mister A. He was 31 years old, and as someone aptly put it, he’s life was MADE. She on the other hand hasn’t even started living. Did she always want to impose on him? Making him pay for all the dinners in the expensive restaurants? No, I guess not.

How did they meet? She was out with her friends one Saturday night and he invited them to sit on their table because there was no space anywhere else…one drink became 2, and then before she knew it, she had given him her phone number. He called later to find out if she’d reached home ok. Then the next weekend again she invited him to watch her favourite band playing and then the next thing they knew they were in his car. And lets just say, they weren’t friends anymore. They became more. She tried to stop seeing him but he wasn’t taking No for an answer. Now she knew his house, she knew where the plates go and where the towels are . . .

And then when she started getting used to the fact that he wasn’t going to leave, it started getting weird. He told her she was too demanding. Her friends told her she has to stop causing so much drama. She found nothing wrong in asking where he was and with who. What nobody knew is that she was so scared inside. So scared of being alone. So happy right now that there was somebody on her arm whenever she went out in public. So she decided she had to out an end to this, she knew she would fall for him to a point that it would be hard to let him go. And then she did.

What do I learn from this unfortunate situation?

Personally and it has also been proven scientifically that girls mature faster than guys. Mothers (Mine included) are always pushing us to be self independent, learning how to cook, do the laundry, all that home making B***S*** and as  a result the normal ones like me hate to do all these things but in the end it helps because we are more mature. The guys on the contrary are too attached to their mothers. The moms are afraid of letting go off their little babies. So you will never find a man in the kitchen, you won’t find him doing his own laundry even when he is 25 years old. And living with your mum isn’t cool at all. Like really!! I could go on and on

So if this girl fell for this guy, we should consider the reasons why.

  1. First of all we should consider the fact that they had intellectual conversations. They weren’t talking about marijuana or play station and all that nonsense. This is someone she could sit with, who would talk to her about the meaning of  life, about people, about politics, about the importance of self-worth, about books,and she learned more and more.
  2. Relationships in which the man is substantially older are often viewed as unconventional, yet the man usually assumes a very traditional role, protecting and looking after his partner. And that is what she craved. The protection the assurance, the looking after. Which young guy can do that nowadays? They are so vain, thinking of nobody but themselves.
  3. An older guy is ready to settle down you know. He’s not like these young bucks who want to fuck like 30 women a year to be considered cool. He’s passed that stage in his life. He’s ready to be in just one relationship, and fully commit to it. And we aren’t talking about marriage.
  4. And maybe she just felt that he would be different, from the jerks she had dated. That eventually she would find that happiness she craved for so much.Cons
  1. That the man just wanted to get some with this young girl. Period.
  2. He wanted a pretty toy to show off to his friends
  3. He assumed that he wasn’t the only man in her life, because even though he denied it, he assumed he was too old, and there were better looking men than him
  4. She was scared of how society would judge her, he was scared too.
  5. He realised after the calls and the texts asking him where he was, she was to much of a child for him. She had to leave.

So you can say I’m for this kind of relationships because trust me there are no men left in this world:

Real men who call you in the morning to tell you to have a beautiful day, men who call the radio station that you are listening to at that particular time to dedicate you’re best song to you.

Men who aren’t afraid to hold you’re hand in public, men who aren’t afraid to kiss your forehead for nothing. Men who say I LOVE YOU first; those that aren’t afraid to say it first.

Men who understand that a  relationship is a sacred thing, and again I AM NOT TALKING about marriage. And no, I’ve not watched too many movies.

I want a guy with ambition. Being a pusher is not a plus at all, being in school, and taking it seriously is. It means you can separate the important things and the bullshit.

I want a guy who spoils me rotten you know, not things that will make you go broke. Silly little things like the sweets she likes, all her favourite songs in a CD

I want a man who can be a true friend. Someone who will LISTEN to me. Someone I can share my good times and my problems with. Are you there when it matters most? Are you there for the small stuff, too?

A woman needs to feel beautiful, sexy, and feminine. She needs to enjoy all those things that comes with being a woman. You have to give the compliments where they are due.

So anyways, that’s what I had to say today. I believe in all that nonsense.

The broken arrow will be mended. S

Shashai…Xx