The song playing right now is Climax by Usher. The perfect song for what I’m feeling. I’m crying my eyes out. My friends had an intervention for me today. They really don’t like the man in my life. At all. And they have reason to. A relative of his told a friend of mine that he said that I was nothing to him. It’s not serious. We have no future. I feel like shit. To be honest, I don’t know why I thought He would be different.
He said all the right things, at the right time, and I believed them all. All the empty promises. All the sweet little nothings…All of it was a lie. I can’t believe it. And apparently he has a bad boy thing going on. I didn’t see it. It’s a pattern he has established and he is known for. Why the universe chose me to be his next muse, is beyond me. Especially after all the BS i’ve put up with in the past from significant others. I thought this time the universe was going to cut me some slack. He chose to show me the sides he knew I wanted to see. My BFF is tired of talking about him and this whole situation; She has washed her hands and I quote. This is the only way I can release my frustrations and hopefully move on. Somehow.
And here I was thinking my friends just want to mess my life up. They have done research on him and they came to me when they have enough proof so that I don’t brush them off as I have been doing for the past few weeks. I have never dated somebody like him, of his supposed class…apparently people of his upbringing socialize with people of a certain caliber and I will never make the cut. Am just a mess…sitted here with a box of tissues, bawling my eyes out.
What the fuck do I do? I don’t even want to look at him or be near him. I hate liars.
Why am I so unlucky?? Shit… 😥
This past few days have been quite something. I’m here thinking about getting into another relationship, like seriously considering it.
There are so many things that are so wrong with it, but I’m at that Que Sera Sera stage that’s not new to me. He likes me, all the sides that I have allowed him to see anyway. He is still getting over some break up, and that’s the only thing holding us back. But we click, I stopped saying all Men are dogs
Of course I don’t know if am totally over M but it’s not painful anymore. I had said that if Me and M broke up, that would be the last relationship I would be in in a long time. But I’m smiling again, I’m not angry at M anymore, am not angry at myself anymore. I miss feeling that I’m important to someone.
This year to be honest, I wanna build life long relationships, I wanna nurture the old relationships that I had from before, the ones that are worth it anyway…
The little things in life are free, hugs, smiles, love, friendship. I’m done with the material. I think life is more wholesome when you realise the importance of the little things. And they are right there, within our reach…and also the other day, I was thinking, “what a sh!t life I have” and then I realised there people who have it worse
I feel, I need a change.
I feel like you’ll all HAVE TO miss me when I’m gone.
A new culture, lots of pasta, a new reason to love??
All the shit av done this year,
All to prove that I can belong,
I think i realised to late that I would never belong.
And its sad that all i had to do was purpose to change.
So all of you good for nothing fucks,
who have made me like this,
I’m glad I met you,
I’m glad you taught me,
that I shouldn’t expect too much from people.
I trust to easily, I’m too freaking loyal,
You guys were my world
I would do anything for you.
I don’t think i did anything wrong, seriously i don’t.
So, i don’t see why you should treat me like this…
Fuck You All.
Funny how, after posting this, i’ll be calling you,
Fuck me too i guess 🙂