Tag Archives: God

+My Emancipation Journey+

I’ve started on a new page.

God is in control of my life. I let Him go 2years ago, and I have been very sad ever since. I have acknowledged the big role he has played in my life.

I almost had a fatal accident two weeks ago. I literally saw the hand of God. I have been suicidal, and just when I’m about to give up, something miraculous just happens. I appreciate the prayers my parents and even my grandparents have been saying for me. Part of this journey too, is because I had really really hit rock bottom.

Then I literally experienced the ‘a door closes another, another one opens’ cliche. I was talking to a friend of mine in school who recently gave his life to Jesus and it’s those really unexpected people. I was shocked when he started the topic and then proceeded to share a book with me about to hell. I have established, I don’t want to go to HELL. It’s a bad place, a scary place, that wasn’t made for humans.

This past few days I’ve been praying, for myself my family and my friends. My only problem thus far is forgiving. The day i totally forgive the man that was in my life, I’ll believe how strong I am. I pray about it all the time. That’s the only way I’ll stop hating him for lying to me constantly, for cheating on me, for treating me like I was nothing. For saying horrible things about me to our friends. There are so many things, and it’s hard to forgive because I wake up each morning and it feels like I have to pick up from where I stopped the day before, trying to fix my tarnished reputation.

The day I wake up and everything feels fixed, I guess, is the day I’ll know I’ve forgiven him completely. I know that’s what God wants of me. My friend challenged me today, “If God can forgive the gravest of sins, why can’t you?”

I want to embrace this journey with God. Today a prophet gave a message for me from God.
That I like giving, and because of this, God will use me to do his work

That I am humble

He will give me concentration in my school work especially now when I’m juggling school & 2jobs.

That I shouldn’t stop someone when they are speaking

I have a big heart.

God has a plan for me. I’m starting on a clean slate. I guess I have to forgive the man that was in my life. My hesitation is costing me time, and hindering God’s work in me. I really have to change my lifestyle too accommodate His teachings.

The journey isn’t easy but I’m going to take the Lord’s hand and let him guide me.

I thank him for this EMANCIPATION

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2011 can end now, thanks

December is finally here.

I think this year was just.

I don’t even know.

It gave me shit, I gave it attitude, I found love, I lost it.

There were far too many disappointments though, too many. I was so happy with the way the year started, everything was filled with happiness, everything was just radiating positivity.  I am sure things stopped being filled with images of pink unicorns and rainbows at some point around July, when I lost that one person that I loved (finally) to something that until this day, I cannot say what. I don’t know why God made me that I have to have someone in my life so that I can feel like my life is complete and that happiness can only be achieved when you have somebody in your life who feels the same way as you do. But i can say, that I regret. I regret my Illicit love, that’s what’s fucked up the rest of my year for me. And I did nothing wrong. Just wish I could go back to the beginning of the year and just rethink. I was too into this free spirit bullshit, I dint sit down and think about what would happen if this relationship took a turn for the worst.I never thought that far. Who does anyway? Who wants to think of impending doom when all you want to do is enjoy every moment that you have with the person that you love?

I’m thinking next year, that HAS TO change completely. I said to myself that this was going to be my last relationship, I have dated enough for my mere 20 years. I have been with people from all walks of life, that I’m sure. No more relationship bullshit for me next year. zero. And i’ll survive I know. I’m the one that complicated my life. A friend was telling me that everythig that i touch, I complicate. That’s very true. Another thing I’m doing is cutting out those stress factors in my life.

And i need to save. And i need to stop drinking to numb myself, that’s destructive behavior. I started doing that in August. And smoking too; though the smoking began way before….it’s reduced though 🙂 I’m happy with the progress av made thus far.

My Playlist right now:

Nneka – Heartbeat

Bruno Mars – It will rain

Florence and the machine – What the water gave me

Avicii- Levels

Ingrid Michaelson – Sort of

Bill Withers – Lovely Day

Dela – Adamu na Hawa

 


*Michelle Moto Moto Gulavic*

I feel so bleugh! like bad, I really feel depressed. First because a friend of mine died last week. She was my age, I remember when I met her, she was about to sit her exams, and I had just finished mine. She said that she had hope, and she liked chemistry. You have to respect people who like chemistry. That is shit I will never ever like.

So I am sad because I knew her a short while, and they say everything that happens is for a reason. Yeah, I guess her mum will never know why she had to go before her. This today is for her. I hope that one day Michelle, people will understand why you had to cross Waiyaki way that day, and that truck had to pass with you. You had all this amazing dreams, you had your university to go through, you had the wedding of your dreams in your head, you knew how your Mr. Right would look. The same dreams that every normal girl growing up has. I am afraid now, to dream, I don’t like to get disappointed…M sure wherever you are you are also asking why. We all are.. 😥

MotoMoto…I will never watch Madagascar without remembering you. You lived your life to the point that was necessary. Someone told me that people die because God takes the good people out of this world so he can protect them from bad things beyond their measure. .. . i’m crying right now because I feel like Life is so random!! And its not like stuff like this gives you a warning.

To your parents, I hope that one day they will understand, they will hold on to the memory of their little girl. And Love you forever. To your brother, he will remember his big sister as someone who always had his back, who loved him so much…to her friends, we are young we don’t know what to feel right now, because everyone is telling us that its normal, it happens. I hope that one day you understand. That I understand, that death is natural and it will happen to everyone. Hold onto her memory, she wouldn’t want us to cry so much about her, but just make sure that you realise that you appreciate those around you. She is watching over us.

Rest In Peace Love.


Its A beautiful Life

I’ve been busy lately, but I try to talk to God. I’d like to believe he’s listening anyway. I would much rather live my life believing there is a God and die to find out there isn’t, than live my life believing there isn’t a God and die to find our there is.

I’d like to say I stand up for what i believe and know what I’ve done is right no matter what other people think. “We judge ourselves by what we feel we’re capable of doing, while others judge us by what we’ve already done.” (long fellow) I live for those moments that take my breath away.

I know 2 people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different. i believe If you really love it, you shouldn’t question it? Falling in love is beautiful, but a beautiful thing is never perfect. I’d never choose between my friends and the one I love.

“Take Time to think and to pinpoint what’s really important in your life.” (Martin) Love has no eyes, but love is not blind. I love hearing I’m beautiful, because when a guy tells you you’re beautiful, he’s looking at your heart. I love falling asleep listening to the rain. I love all night phone calls and waking up to realize i have a few more hours to sleep.

I love talking with my friends and laughing til our faces hurt, telling jokes no one else will ever understand. We don’t have to change friends if we understand that friends change. I can laugh at myself, but I still cry if i get my feelings hurt. Sometimes it hurts a lot more to smile in front of everyone than to cry when you’re alone.

My very first kiss was my worst, but I know my last will be my best. I’ve learned that nothing will ever be like the first time, it might be better or it might be worse.

I believe the best things in life are unseen and that’s why we close our eyes when we kiss, cry, and dream. I’m a dreamer and i talk in my sleep, that’s the only place I know no one can hear me.

I tell myself things like…don’t walk in the shadows, there’s always tomorrow and i’m right where I want and need to be. “Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice, it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved.” (Bryan)

Sometimes It hurts while it’s happening. Just know It may be over, but it won’t stop here. “To be what we are, and to become what we are capable of becoming, is the only end of life.” (Stevenson)

sometimes I want to make myself feel everything but it turns into nothing. I’ve learned that you shouldn’t be so eager to find out a secret…it could change your life forever and you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life. But How will you ever know til you try?

This is MY beautiful life. The only things certain is everything and everyone changes. Lows and the highs, and all those goodbyes. As hard as it gets i know it’s still amazing to be alive. …It’s a beautiful life