I’ve started on a new page.
God is in control of my life. I let Him go 2years ago, and I have been very sad ever since. I have acknowledged the big role he has played in my life.
I almost had a fatal accident two weeks ago. I literally saw the hand of God. I have been suicidal, and just when I’m about to give up, something miraculous just happens. I appreciate the prayers my parents and even my grandparents have been saying for me. Part of this journey too, is because I had really really hit rock bottom.
Then I literally experienced the ‘a door closes another, another one opens’ cliche. I was talking to a friend of mine in school who recently gave his life to Jesus and it’s those really unexpected people. I was shocked when he started the topic and then proceeded to share a book with me about to hell. I have established, I don’t want to go to HELL. It’s a bad place, a scary place, that wasn’t made for humans.
This past few days I’ve been praying, for myself my family and my friends. My only problem thus far is forgiving. The day i totally forgive the man that was in my life, I’ll believe how strong I am. I pray about it all the time. That’s the only way I’ll stop hating him for lying to me constantly, for cheating on me, for treating me like I was nothing. For saying horrible things about me to our friends. There are so many things, and it’s hard to forgive because I wake up each morning and it feels like I have to pick up from where I stopped the day before, trying to fix my tarnished reputation.
The day I wake up and everything feels fixed, I guess, is the day I’ll know I’ve forgiven him completely. I know that’s what God wants of me. My friend challenged me today, “If God can forgive the gravest of sins, why can’t you?”
I want to embrace this journey with God. Today a prophet gave a message for me from God.
That I like giving, and because of this, God will use me to do his work
That I am humble
He will give me concentration in my school work especially now when I’m juggling school & 2jobs.
That I shouldn’t stop someone when they are speaking
I have a big heart.
God has a plan for me. I’m starting on a clean slate. I guess I have to forgive the man that was in my life. My hesitation is costing me time, and hindering God’s work in me. I really have to change my lifestyle too accommodate His teachings.
The journey isn’t easy but I’m going to take the Lord’s hand and let him guide me.
I thank him for this EMANCIPATION