Tag Archives: heartbreak

life goes on

So am almost turning 21. So much has happened this year.
I’ve learnt so many lessons,made some new friends, lost some etc etc
I have no idea what to do for my 21st. I’m thinking a quiet get away for me myself and I. I don’t want anything over the top because I honestly don’t feel like being around people.
But there’s so much going on during that weekend. I really wish I had a significant other. The most previous one disappointed me so much, they’ve been other women in his life. I feel like the rebound chick. Never thought I’d be biting that end of the stick.
But then again,it is said that a lesson is taught over and over until you learn. Each time, the lesson is more painful.
Am jusy ay a weird place right now.
But don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful for the things I do have. Sometimes we dwell so much on the negatives, and the past that we forget to appreciate the present moment. Right now for example am sitted at a pizzeria…I like how I’m right in the middle of people but I’ve blocked all the noise out. And am looking out into the street and everyone is doing their own shit.
Life goes on. No matter what you think you’re facing; Life goes on.
Pick yourself up.

The broken arrow will be mended.


It’s Over

Back to Nairobi after a week at the Coast. Just what my feeble mind needed. It was a holiday free of technology, i.e. Phone, twitter, Facebook, everything.

I needed that break for many reasons.

* I lost myself, my will to live.

*Shocking revelations were made to me 2days before my trip, and  I realized then and then that I needed to just cut myself off from the world for the few days that I was going to be away. I thought a lot. Trying not to play victim in my sorry situation with the Man that was in my life, my financial situation and my fake ‘friends’ who have been spreading rumors about me all over the place. I was so hurt. Last Monday, I was just walking around in a daze. The Bullshit had just escalated to levels I couldn’t possibly control.

Honestly, I feel like am completely DONE with relationships. This time for real. I can’t handle the bullshit it comes with. The drama, the back and forth, and worst of all being compared to an EX!!!! Say anything else, but please don’t compare me with someone from your past. I tend to think I wish well for people, I generally want to keep out of people’s business and just be…His ex was far from that. And he went down that road. Some UGLY rumor is going round about me and him, which a friend of mine started and he says I can’t confront my friend because I will complicate things, and further more, its my fault that it’s even circulating in the first place. And he is the victim, and am the bitch in the situation, he doesn’t want to hear what I have to say, and to be honest, am done trying. My life was so much easier without him. I’ve been told over and over, that if someone really wants to be with you, they will make time for you. No matter what. The joke has been on me. From the beginning. He has stood me up so many times, doesn’t bother to reschedule. I don’t blame my BFF for cornering him and asking him to stop the bullshit. She’s been seeing how much I hurt,plus the alcohol in her system, she went IN!! I know for a fact he hates to be confronted by his partners friends. However, I had no control over this confrontation. As in we’ve lost touch so much, he doesn’t know me anymore. So all in all, its better I count my losses and move on swiftly. Pick the lessons, and continue building up my list of the qualities I want in a man. However, I see myself not handling men in the near near future…give me a few years.

Qualities:

  1. Humble
  2. Respectful
  3. Funny
  4. Insightful
  5. Successful
  6. Supportive
  7. Open
  8. Remembers important dates
  9. HONEST
  10. Reliable
  11. Appreciative

What I don’t want:

  1. Arguing (to the minimum)
  2. PMSing (One woman read Me in the relationship is enough)
  3. Don’t talk to me like a child, like I can’t make fucking choices!
  4. Don’t ignore me
  5. Don’t lie to me
  6. Don’t disrespect my friends or family
  7. Don’t tell people about me when we break up.

However, I enjoyed the time I spent with my family. I realized that the love that we share, its without conditions, without boundaries. It’s genuine love. Something I haven’t experienced from any other person apart from my BFF. My ride or die bitch. She’s got my back always. Furthermore, I guess we are young. We can’t expect to meet somebody and settle down with them while other people out there are being taught the hardest of lessons by the powers that be. Lemme enjoy life, the people that want me in theirs and totally ignore the things/persons that don’t make me happy. Hopefully, the hurtful experiences will become less and less as I become older. I turn 21 soon. Its time to put the brakes on A LOT.

The broken arrow will be mended.

xx

 


climax…

The song playing right now is Climax by Usher. The perfect song for what I’m feeling. I’m crying my eyes out. My friends had an intervention for me today. They really don’t like the man in my life. At all. And they have reason to. A relative of his told a friend of mine that he said that I was nothing to him. It’s not serious. We have no future. I feel like shit. To be honest, I don’t know why I thought He would be different. 

He said all the right things, at the right time, and I believed them all. All the empty promises. All the sweet little nothings…All of it was a lie. I can’t believe it. And apparently he has a bad boy thing going on. I didn’t see it. It’s a pattern he has established and he is known for. Why the universe chose me to be his next muse, is beyond me. Especially after all the BS i’ve put up with in the past from significant others. I thought this time the universe was going to cut me some slack. He chose to show me the sides he knew I wanted to see. My BFF is tired of talking about him and this whole situation; She has washed her hands and I quote. This is the only way I can release my frustrations and hopefully move on. Somehow.

 And here I was thinking my friends just want to mess my life up. They have done research on him and they came to me when they have enough proof so that I don’t brush them off as I have been doing for the past few weeks. I have never dated somebody like him, of his supposed class…apparently people of his upbringing socialize with people of a certain caliber and I will never make the cut. Am just a mess…sitted here with a box of tissues, bawling my eyes out.

What the fuck do I do? I don’t even want to look at him or be near him. I hate liars.

Why am I so unlucky?? Shit… 😥


The day before Valentines

Honestly, I have the worst feeling ever. I feel like I’m choking. I’m supposed to be ok by now. As in, its the day before valentines and my life just feels like a fucking side show. I was so sure I’d have a Valentine this year. And the thing is I don’t believe in Valentines day. I believe in showing love all through the year, and that the feeling should be mutual. I thought I had that.

I miss M in my life so much, as in the past few days I’ve just been thinking about us. I don’t know why I’m holding on, I don’t know what i’m holding on to. I think there is an ex involved in my tumultuous relationship. I can’t explain it. I just have a feeling because how else would you explain an ex showing up all of a sudden in pictures?

I have exams tommorrow, two of them, but my mind can’t concentrate. I have this sinking feeling, it’s just depressing me. 

Love is for fuckers. I quit drinking somehow, I indulge only when I have to. I quit smoking too completely but then again, with me you are never too sure about things. Sometimes I wonder if there’s really anything to live for.

Anyways, Nairobi is so hot!

The Broken Arrow will be mended.