Tag Archives: Kenya

It’s Over

Back to Nairobi after a week at the Coast. Just what my feeble mind needed. It was a holiday free of technology, i.e. Phone, twitter, Facebook, everything.

I needed that break for many reasons.

* I lost myself, my will to live.

*Shocking revelations were made to me 2days before my trip, and  I realized then and then that I needed to just cut myself off from the world for the few days that I was going to be away. I thought a lot. Trying not to play victim in my sorry situation with the Man that was in my life, my financial situation and my fake ‘friends’ who have been spreading rumors about me all over the place. I was so hurt. Last Monday, I was just walking around in a daze. The Bullshit had just escalated to levels I couldn’t possibly control.

Honestly, I feel like am completely DONE with relationships. This time for real. I can’t handle the bullshit it comes with. The drama, the back and forth, and worst of all being compared to an EX!!!! Say anything else, but please don’t compare me with someone from your past. I tend to think I wish well for people, I generally want to keep out of people’s business and just be…His ex was far from that. And he went down that road. Some UGLY rumor is going round about me and him, which a friend of mine started and he says I can’t confront my friend because I will complicate things, and further more, its my fault that it’s even circulating in the first place. And he is the victim, and am the bitch in the situation, he doesn’t want to hear what I have to say, and to be honest, am done trying. My life was so much easier without him. I’ve been told over and over, that if someone really wants to be with you, they will make time for you. No matter what. The joke has been on me. From the beginning. He has stood me up so many times, doesn’t bother to reschedule. I don’t blame my BFF for cornering him and asking him to stop the bullshit. She’s been seeing how much I hurt,plus the alcohol in her system, she went IN!! I know for a fact he hates to be confronted by his partners friends. However, I had no control over this confrontation. As in we’ve lost touch so much, he doesn’t know me anymore. So all in all, its better I count my losses and move on swiftly. Pick the lessons, and continue building up my list of the qualities I want in a man. However, I see myself not handling men in the near near future…give me a few years.

Qualities:

  1. Humble
  2. Respectful
  3. Funny
  4. Insightful
  5. Successful
  6. Supportive
  7. Open
  8. Remembers important dates
  9. HONEST
  10. Reliable
  11. Appreciative

What I don’t want:

  1. Arguing (to the minimum)
  2. PMSing (One woman read Me in the relationship is enough)
  3. Don’t talk to me like a child, like I can’t make fucking choices!
  4. Don’t ignore me
  5. Don’t lie to me
  6. Don’t disrespect my friends or family
  7. Don’t tell people about me when we break up.

However, I enjoyed the time I spent with my family. I realized that the love that we share, its without conditions, without boundaries. It’s genuine love. Something I haven’t experienced from any other person apart from my BFF. My ride or die bitch. She’s got my back always. Furthermore, I guess we are young. We can’t expect to meet somebody and settle down with them while other people out there are being taught the hardest of lessons by the powers that be. Lemme enjoy life, the people that want me in theirs and totally ignore the things/persons that don’t make me happy. Hopefully, the hurtful experiences will become less and less as I become older. I turn 21 soon. Its time to put the brakes on A LOT.

The broken arrow will be mended.

xx

 

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.Homestretch.

I really need to post something today because I just need to, its been long, that’s all. I won’t give a smart answer.

This past weekend had me all over the place having those last moments with the people that mattered the most to me while I was here. And they all insisted that I cook something from home for them…I made Pilau and Chapati…I should have done something simpler you think….well, I don’t like Ugali that much so that one was out. I decided though to just risk it whether my efforts backfire or not, whether my rice ends up looking like ugali and my chapatis become pancakes…I was content with the fact that they don’t really know how they both taste so I was safe, and also the fact that this was a way of thanking them for the hospitality….I wanted to share with them a part of where I come from.

It was a bit sad really. Surprisingly that story has a happy ending, the food and everything…no tears! 🙂

Next week I will write down the lessons that I have learnt. Today I’m a bit sad. I had the last day at the office. I never thought that I would get attached let alone emotional about it….but I haven’t handed in the key yet. I think the most painful moment will be when I’m handing Max the key to the apartment…I’m sure I’ll weep even.

Today I have been listening to 3songs on rewind…*Mbiguni, Malikia* and Coming Home all by Sauti Sol off their Sol Filosofia Album.

Mbiguni I must say just touches the innermost parts of me….I don’t know if it’s a love song, but to me not really. Its just this song, when I listen to the words, I just want to cry. I relate to this song on all levels. I wish I heard this song like 6-8 months ago, a lot would have been different. Basically with this song, they are talking about heaven, this girl who is tired of her life, she looks to heaven, she wants to reach heaven – you can interpret this literally or figuratively.

I don’t know what made me think that coming to Italy would solve the problems that I had, it just put them on hold. I go back in a few days and face them. But the best part is I know what to do. I’m not blank, I have grown.

I’m a lucky girl. I’m grateful to God for my family, my friends, my good health, and for this far that he’s brought me. Unfortunately, I’ll say the truth that this past few months I think I can say I have talked to God for a total of 10hours, something that I’m not proud of at all….and somehow all my shitty situations worked out, and I always thought I will sort my shit out alone…but I’ve been thinking about it this past few days, and I can say that its been him…all the way it was only Him.

*Mbiguni – Heaven in Swahili

*Malikia – Queen in Swahili

And I meet my mum in a few days. I’m going to Finland, my friend sent me an email and told me its -15degrees…the fuck?? I almost cancelled my flight. But I’ve  really missed my mum. I am so excited to see her!! I wonder if she’ll  recognise me, LOL, I kid. I know she will….that is making me smile so hard right now. I hope to take many pics, and I get to be in Prague too!!!…That’s my dream destination….its so fucking beautiful!! I have a stop over there for a few hours so I will take full advantage. I’m very excited.

A random pic for you all…I love Oxfords…!!

Kisses Everyone…Remember Live, Love, Laugh….there’s so much beauty in everything.

xxx


A different Monday :)

Monday!! Very few can say something positive about Mondays…I’ve never liked them since I was  kid, because it meant having to sleep very early on Sunday to wake up early for school!! And put on that uniform.. I can’t believe I had uniform for 12years of my life!! Wowzers, I’m so OLD!!

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Today, as always, I write about nothing in particular, last night I worked till around 8pm, Thank God and I was so happy because since Thursday, I’ve been having 4hours of sleep because of 1. Work and 2. Staying up thinking about a) My Life in general b) Chilling and Drinking with my friends

So yesterday I actually got the chance to put 9hours in, and that resulted in me having a happy morning..A HAPPY MONDAY MORNING at that!!

Last night I was going through a blog about this Kenyan chick I know, who swears she’s homophobic but she reads this gay guys blog, and she really likes it, she even recommends it to her readers…ironical much?? she went on and on about how she hates this and that, and to say the truth I read all her posts, like 1st I was jealous because I’ve never used the word digress in my life and I feel so stupid..So i promise to learn a BIG word everyday and try to use it the next day..but besides the point, I know this girl, we aren’t friends or acquaintances we know each other by virtue of the fact that my friend and her friend used to date each other…but that’s about it. You know how when you see someone and you think that they are perfect…the Marilyn piercing that I’m too chicken to get, the nice boobs that EVERYONE both CHICKS and guys can’t help but drool at…compared to me, yes, I think I’m pretty and everything but of course I lack in A LOT of places….so reading her blog yesterday, this girl that I thought had everything that I didn’t, made me  smile because just like every girl in this world she has the same insecurities that I have, the same thoughts about sexuality, Spirituality, ex boyfriends, Justin Bieber (Who looks like a girl with the whole lesbian vibes going on), hating other girls just because, and silly stuff that doesn’t make sense….and I felt normal…I didn’t feel like I stand out a lot anymore. I always thought I did, but I don’t.

So I’m going to thank this GIRL for making me feel normal, because really I am, even though I’m attracted to all the wrong things…but I guess they call it growth…we live, and we learn.

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Today someone posted this link on twitter of a video on Youtube, a South African group called Liquideep..very GOOD…I was going to write on twitter how I think Kenyan artistes need to step up from the bullshit that they think is MUSIC and smell the coffee!! Then I didn’t because I have some followers on twitter who are the said Kenyan artistes and I didn’t want drama!! So since this is my blog, I will write whatever I want. I am seriously tired of Kenyan music, I can’t stand it. I like Sauti Sol and Just a Band, and Maddtraxx…the rest can go suck tit!! We are tired of you singing about drinking, partying, who has more money than who…And I’m so embarassed when I’m chilling with my friends and they ask to hear music from home (not the Masaai guys jumping jumping till sijui which planet ) and I’m so embarassed….So I have two CDs with me that I always just put on rewind, because thats the only music I’m proud of….ok I know someone somewhere is telling me that there is Valerie Kimani and Eric Wainaina, I know…!! I know that they are there, but really these people and their tuscandals that are just publicity stunts, I can’t stand…So in short everyone else is moving but us…one of my closest friends is a musician, a rapper of sorts….I’ve listened to his stuff, and I’m so proud that he can work that sh!t, but in essence, I know there are many like him, who maybe use blogs to promote their music…because maybe they are scared to get into the mainstream Kenyan market.  I am aware there is demand for these party songs that everyone wants to bob their head to and there is the pressure to produce those type of songs..But i’m sure i’m not the only one out here, who wants to listen to good music, with good beats, with a message…I think its time Africa stopped being associated with AIDS, slums, wild animals and Maasais….If we made good music, I’m sure we would be on the map, and Kenyans like me in the diaspora would be proud to invite bands to come perform in their cities….I can say I have the means to organise a concert right now, but nobody comes to mind right now. Every Friday I have a concert here, and there’s different local bands that come out to play…real talent, I’m shocked that they haven’t gotten signed to big recording powerhouses. I feel so nice watching them perform, and then I think of home and I’m so embarassed…I really can’t see why Kenyan artists would be proud and say they have FIKAD…its really NOTHING…get over yourselves!! ION I really love House Music. <<hint hint Kenyan artistes!!

the broken arrow will be mended….xx

If anyone wants to recommend some good African House music, get at me…please, I’m on a high!!

My song of the week!! >>Liquideep – Alone<<   SouthAfrican artistes have FIKAD 🙂

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