I’m sitting in bed, its around 1pm, i had a late night yesterday, not partying, working. \
Sometimes I get so frustrated because I feel like when I leave Italy, I will go back the same person I was. I don’t want that…at all. Like i will feel like I wasted 6months here just increasing my waistline with the pasta, the wine and the pizza…It was supposed to be a journey, like Liz from Eat Pray Love…I sincerely wish that I’d watched that movie before I came. Instead I watched When in Rome and Letters to Juliet, because, let me admit it I was in Love with the Idea of LOVE….throwing a coin over your shoulder in the Fontana di Trevi (which i did 2 weeks ago BTW) and falling in love :p Fuck Love.
And my inner confusion, with myself….I am in a constant tug of war with myself nowadays, I want to join the lifestyle because I think that is what I need at this moment in time. Somebody who is just like me, somebody who understands my feelings, reading Autostraddle helps, but somehow at the back of my mind, I feel like this isn’t me. And that’s what stops me from telling the object of my affection that I’m falling in Like…not Love (It doesn’t exist in my dictionary)because I don’t want them to feel like my science experiment..and that is what I feel it will be in the end…
I can’t wait to live in New York, where nobody gives a fuck about you, and you can just exist without people looking at you like you have a problem. I can already see myself in my Burberry Coat and Louboutins in Times Square eating a bagel….that is my dream destination before I’m 30.
And right now I can say that I don’t really care much anymore….stop sending me shopping lists and you people don’t even check up on me….yes..this is to my DEAR DEAR friends….fuck that by the way…i think it sucks!! We are all busy but we have to make time for each other…I’m not asking you to come visit me…I guess this is what they mean when they see people come and go!! Peace out