Tag Archives: Nairobi

It’s Over

Back to Nairobi after a week at the Coast. Just what my feeble mind needed. It was a holiday free of technology, i.e. Phone, twitter, Facebook, everything.

I needed that break for many reasons.

* I lost myself, my will to live.

*Shocking revelations were made to me 2days before my trip, and  I realized then and then that I needed to just cut myself off from the world for the few days that I was going to be away. I thought a lot. Trying not to play victim in my sorry situation with the Man that was in my life, my financial situation and my fake ‘friends’ who have been spreading rumors about me all over the place. I was so hurt. Last Monday, I was just walking around in a daze. The Bullshit had just escalated to levels I couldn’t possibly control.

Honestly, I feel like am completely DONE with relationships. This time for real. I can’t handle the bullshit it comes with. The drama, the back and forth, and worst of all being compared to an EX!!!! Say anything else, but please don’t compare me with someone from your past. I tend to think I wish well for people, I generally want to keep out of people’s business and just be…His ex was far from that. And he went down that road. Some UGLY rumor is going round about me and him, which a friend of mine started and he says I can’t confront my friend because I will complicate things, and further more, its my fault that it’s even circulating in the first place. And he is the victim, and am the bitch in the situation, he doesn’t want to hear what I have to say, and to be honest, am done trying. My life was so much easier without him. I’ve been told over and over, that if someone really wants to be with you, they will make time for you. No matter what. The joke has been on me. From the beginning. He has stood me up so many times, doesn’t bother to reschedule. I don’t blame my BFF for cornering him and asking him to stop the bullshit. She’s been seeing how much I hurt,plus the alcohol in her system, she went IN!! I know for a fact he hates to be confronted by his partners friends. However, I had no control over this confrontation. As in we’ve lost touch so much, he doesn’t know me anymore. So all in all, its better I count my losses and move on swiftly. Pick the lessons, and continue building up my list of the qualities I want in a man. However, I see myself not handling men in the near near future…give me a few years.

Qualities:

  1. Humble
  2. Respectful
  3. Funny
  4. Insightful
  5. Successful
  6. Supportive
  7. Open
  8. Remembers important dates
  9. HONEST
  10. Reliable
  11. Appreciative

What I don’t want:

  1. Arguing (to the minimum)
  2. PMSing (One woman read Me in the relationship is enough)
  3. Don’t talk to me like a child, like I can’t make fucking choices!
  4. Don’t ignore me
  5. Don’t lie to me
  6. Don’t disrespect my friends or family
  7. Don’t tell people about me when we break up.

However, I enjoyed the time I spent with my family. I realized that the love that we share, its without conditions, without boundaries. It’s genuine love. Something I haven’t experienced from any other person apart from my BFF. My ride or die bitch. She’s got my back always. Furthermore, I guess we are young. We can’t expect to meet somebody and settle down with them while other people out there are being taught the hardest of lessons by the powers that be. Lemme enjoy life, the people that want me in theirs and totally ignore the things/persons that don’t make me happy. Hopefully, the hurtful experiences will become less and less as I become older. I turn 21 soon. Its time to put the brakes on A LOT.

The broken arrow will be mended.

xx

 


Carpe Diem

I’m feeling a bit low. I have been reading the Greatness Guide by Robin Sharma and sometimes, I feel really motivated to make a change in my life and try to make a change in the lives of the people around me. I have been so motivated this last two days, but today I woke up, later than usual and I was still so tired. I came to work today, I’m planning a photo shoot for this Sunday. I’m still scouting for the perfect location. Nairobi can be hard to work with sometimes.
I think I’m lonely. Like I need something to take my mind off things. I need a job too, I’m feeling abit broke. I have an audition today, my Agency called me up today and It’s in a few minutes and I’m wondering how i’ll up my mood before then…. :/

One of my close friends had a surprise party this past weekend and it was crazy. I looked so pretty, I have never gotten so many compliments in my life. My day had started on such a low note, I needed all that LOVE I was receiving that night. It was a perfect night. It was the first time I have partied with my new friends and I love them so much, we really went all out!! Then there’s this awesome man I met. He makes me smile, sometimes he makes me so happy, sometimes Not, I feel like he is playing with my heart, and my heart just can’t. So I need to extricate myself from that situation before it escalates into something I can’t control. He is almost perfect but there is still somebody in his life, who he doesn’t want anymore….anyway watch this space, I’ll keep you posted. He is also to blame for the little spring I have in my step nowadays 🙂

Life can get crazy, you might look for reasons why you want to do things and then not do them in the end. I think things should be done because they are fun and they make you happy. Carpe Diem: “Seize the Moment”


Read between the lines

So shocking revelations were made to me on Valentines Day. Here I was the day before ranting and raving how my life is just a bowl of shit….I think I spoke too soon…:D

So, a friend of mine from Italy let it slip that she likes me a lot and that she wanted to tell me sooner/before I left but I was seeing somebody at the time and it felt like it was a bad idea. She had the most beautiful girlfriend honestly. I was thinking about it that day and asking myself, honestly I’ve got nothing on the ex….beauty is in the eye of the beholder..LOL

But I was also thinking, WHAT IF she fucking told me? It wouldn’t have heart to explore that avenue. I would have applied to school in Milan and seen how that would pan out. Now we’ll never know. So many missed opportunities because of M. Honestly, I refused school in the states, I could have had a shot at happiness? So many things are going through my mind right now. Anyway, it sucks on so many levels, but I’m happy that she let me know. Even though it was a little too late.

                                                                 ***********            

I hate leading a double life. I really do. I wish I was older, had my own money and a job that took me to New York or L.A where everyone minds their own business and you live your life. Living in Kenya and being yourself is such a difficult thing, everybody in your business, everybody feeling like they have to contribute towards an aspect of your life..I honestly hate it. But a friend of mine and I were arguing about this issue and he told me that we are all over people’s shit because at the end of the day, whatever an individual does impacts society. You can’t be all free spirit and shit when there are people somewhere i.e Kids who are looking up to you….ofcourse, I couldn’t care less..But I saw his point.

I’m feeling so uninspired with Law school, I got my results today. They are good! 🙂


The day before Valentines

Honestly, I have the worst feeling ever. I feel like I’m choking. I’m supposed to be ok by now. As in, its the day before valentines and my life just feels like a fucking side show. I was so sure I’d have a Valentine this year. And the thing is I don’t believe in Valentines day. I believe in showing love all through the year, and that the feeling should be mutual. I thought I had that.

I miss M in my life so much, as in the past few days I’ve just been thinking about us. I don’t know why I’m holding on, I don’t know what i’m holding on to. I think there is an ex involved in my tumultuous relationship. I can’t explain it. I just have a feeling because how else would you explain an ex showing up all of a sudden in pictures?

I have exams tommorrow, two of them, but my mind can’t concentrate. I have this sinking feeling, it’s just depressing me. 

Love is for fuckers. I quit drinking somehow, I indulge only when I have to. I quit smoking too completely but then again, with me you are never too sure about things. Sometimes I wonder if there’s really anything to live for.

Anyways, Nairobi is so hot!

The Broken Arrow will be mended.


First Nairobi Post :)

Hello My good People,

It feels so good to be back in Nairobi, I’ve been MIA this past few days just relishing these first moments back home. It feels so awesome to be back. Believe it or not, I’ve not had all those planned lunches with my friends, because of many reasons I choose not to outline here. In short, I have received quite a few reactions from people that are close and those that aren’t.

Can we stop pointing out the fact that I have added weight?? Stop telling me. I look  at myself in the mirror everyday and I know…Its not helping when you point it out, if you aren’t handing me your discounted rates and memebership plans at a gym somewhere. Jiekee!! I don’t need to to be told that I’ve added one or two. And this is a lesson that I have learnt by the way, I will never judge people with ‘not flat’ stomachs cuz I am not in that category anymore. Anywho…I’m in my happy place still. I was so serious when I said I was getting rid of all the excess baggage…I refuse to take crap from anyone…I only take crap if you gave birth to me, or if I am completely and hopelessly in love with you…but that’s pushing it….so ofcourse people are saying i’ve changed, I’m a bit Bitchy blablabla…You seriously don’t expect meto be the same person I was..please, Get over yourself. Right now its me and my happiness….anything otherwise can go fly a kite. This is just life. Toss the stuff/people that don’t make you happy. Like the weight :p

Oh and on that note I’m starting on a diet plan. I woke up today and went jogging….sh!t felt too good. I acknowledge the fact that I need to go back to my normal size, and I’ve given myself 2months tops. It’s gonna be HARD!!

..Being a single girl was nice while it lasted 😉