I’m here in my room thinking long and hard. I have exams starting tommorrow, and I’m just so tired. I discovered today that M is finally graduating. I remember when I used to be the first person to know the things going on in M’s life….anyway…I wish M only the best in life.
I read somewhere, that when you forget why you are hurt, then you are healed. I feel like that’s a done story. That ship has sailed, It’s probably in Iceland by now even.
Today, the new man in my life and I met. I have a confession, I am taller than him by half an inch. Today I noticed, I don’t know why. I don’t know why I’m already looking for a reason to jolt. He is perfect. And I haven’t spoken to him the whole day, like from 12 pm and I’m feeling sick. Am I falling in love. I have been reading and drifting off, thinking about him. I feel a bit stupid because we both have exams and I’m probably the one overthinking.
I love his presence in my life…Honestly I do.
I need to pass this exam I have tommorrow, lemme continue reading.
I hope everybody had a good easter weekend, I wish you all the best in the week ahead…xo
Honestly, I have the worst feeling ever. I feel like I’m choking. I’m supposed to be ok by now. As in, its the day before valentines and my life just feels like a fucking side show. I was so sure I’d have a Valentine this year. And the thing is I don’t believe in Valentines day. I believe in showing love all through the year, and that the feeling should be mutual. I thought I had that.
I miss M in my life so much, as in the past few days I’ve just been thinking about us. I don’t know why I’m holding on, I don’t know what i’m holding on to. I think there is an ex involved in my tumultuous relationship. I can’t explain it. I just have a feeling because how else would you explain an ex showing up all of a sudden in pictures?
I have exams tommorrow, two of them, but my mind can’t concentrate. I have this sinking feeling, it’s just depressing me.
Love is for fuckers. I quit drinking somehow, I indulge only when I have to. I quit smoking too completely but then again, with me you are never too sure about things. Sometimes I wonder if there’s really anything to live for.
Anyways, Nairobi is so hot!
The Broken Arrow will be mended.
One moment I’m so happy, the other completely pissed off.
My sister is a very selfish person, and she always gets away with everything. Last night I got so mad, so fucking mad at her because of comments she was making about how tired she is….and she was in the house the whole day, I was at work. My mum needed help to label some things she’s supposed to sell in her shop and my dear sister had gone to sleep. When she finally agreed to help, she wasn’t pulling her weight and anything I was telling her she was ignoring. It all started on Sunday when I went for a concert that she didn’t want to go for earlier in the week. Or the stupid comments she makes when it comes to designing some clothes for my mums shop. She feels like she’s the artist, the only one with the artistic eye and that she’s the only one that can do it. She annoys me so much, and then she told my mum its unfair that I get to buy fabric to make the dresses I had wanted, she hasa refused to help me completely. I’m so done btw.
Me and my mum have the same phones, so we also have the same chargers. I forgot mine at a sleep over at my cousins house and yesterday I carried hers and forgot it in her shop. Around 11.40pm she asks for it and I tell her I’m sorry that I forgot it in her shop. And then she shouted at me for I don’t know how long. It was an honest mistake!!! Seriously, that shouting was too much. Then she goes to her room and comes back a few minutes later and apologizes.
Sometimes I don’t want to live with anybody, I feel like my life is so full of shit, I wish I could just start over. Everything in my life sucks. It’s not PMS, I just want to start with a clean slate next year. The only thing I believe that binds me to my so called family is money. I don’t have a source of income, I have to rely on my dear parents.
FuCk my life, I need a drink and its 7.30am.
I feel, I need a change.
I feel like you’ll all HAVE TO miss me when I’m gone.
A new culture, lots of pasta, a new reason to love??
All the shit av done this year,
All to prove that I can belong,
I think i realised to late that I would never belong.
And its sad that all i had to do was purpose to change.
So all of you good for nothing fucks,
who have made me like this,
I’m glad I met you,
I’m glad you taught me,
that I shouldn’t expect too much from people.
I trust to easily, I’m too freaking loyal,
You guys were my world
I would do anything for you.
I don’t think i did anything wrong, seriously i don’t.
So, i don’t see why you should treat me like this…
Fuck You All.
Funny how, after posting this, i’ll be calling you,
Fuck me too i guess 🙂